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Jill Kroog
Author, Speaker, Coach
Founder of Mother Matters Foundation

People ask me why I am so passionate about helping Moms and why I write the books that I write.

As far as I can tell, I am a pretty normal person with a pretty normal life just like all of the other pretty normal moms that I work with. With that said, the easiest way to explain how I got here is to tell my story. So here goes…

Quite a few years ago I was born. Yes, it all starts there. I was born and raised in Colorado. I grew up in a normal home with normal parents and did normal stuff. I went to college in Colorado, graduated and started on the path of my career. Like I said, pretty normal.

At 26 I was a bit of a spit fire and thought that I knew it all. I had been working in corporate America for a whopping 3 ½ years and was sick of it. You see my parents had instilled a strong attitude of individuality and the thought that if you want something, no matter what it is, you can have it. So, with that in mind, I up and quit and started my own business working from home. I was a marketing consultant and had a great business. I loved it! I felt like I was on top of the world. I traveled, met people, was successful and I made good money. The only thing that I had not made time for was a good, long term relationship. I had one long term jerk and thank God that didn’t work out!!

Then at 30, my friends told me that since no one was beating down my door to meet me, I had better go out. After 2 years of not dating, I thought that they might be on to something. They were right! I met the most wonderful man and 1 year later we were married. (I know this is a long story, surprising that I didn’t start with the dinosaurs. Anyway, you kind of need the background to understand how I got here.)

Now, I had it all. A perfect husband, a loving life, a great career, I owned my home and the only thing that could make this any better would be to start a family. We weren’t in a huge hurry, we had waited this long to meet, what was another couple of years to start a family. Oh, by the way, I also decided to start a doggie day care business. As you can see, my husband is quite supportive and understanding of my entrepreneurial nature.

At 34 we were blessed with the birth of our 1st son. Now, like most other soon to be parents, we were excited. We had planned for our future and decided that we were not going to let a child take us away from our lives. The child was going to be an addition to our lives, not a distraction. We had seen some of our friends have kids and drop off of the face of the planet. That was not going to be us! (Sound Familiar?)

As anyone who has had a baby knows, mom’s life changes drastically! In the 2 years before his birth, I had done less and less consulting and dove into the doggie day care. With a new baby, I could not be there and finances were an issue. I had to pay others and money was getting really tight. So, the decision was made to sell the business. I felt both happy and sad at the decision. I now had new responsibilities with the baby and all that went along with that. In all of our talks we had decided that we did not want to put our child into day care. That meant that what ever I decided to do it was a decision that would mean that I did it with a child in tow. I jokingly, half, said that I now knew what it was like to have a shadow with me at all times.

The spiral of feeling lost had begun. My total identity prior to marriage and kids had rapidly become vaguely recognizable. I had once been a driven, self sufficient, successful, fun woman. Suddenly I felt like a tired, somewhat beaten shell of who I had been. I don’t think that it was the birth or first few months even that did it. I think that it was a culmination of so many events in my life that I began to question how women did it.

How did they have a family and still be who they were before? The answer, in my opinion, is quite simply that they don’t.

I walked into the hospital with one set of ideals, views, thoughts and feelings and walked out fundamentally changed. From the moment that I saw my son and felt that love, something shifted. On a subconscious level, I think that I knew that my life had forever changed.

The outside world was just reflecting my inner world. I fought it tooth and nail for the first 6 months. I loved my son, but I did not love my life. I started to search for a way to be the old me in my new life. Like my husband and I said, we weren’t going to let it change what we did. But, my life did not even resemble what I did before. My consulting had all but stopped, the day care was being sold, my husband was still playing sports a couple of night a week and I was grasping for the old me.

I didn’t find a lot of support at the time. I don’t think that I was ready to get the help that I needed. One day I looked in the mirror and realized that the reflection was someone different. I had a choice in that moment. I could keep trying to get the old me back or choose a new path. Obviously, I chose a new path.

Becoming a mom is life changing for everyone that I talk to. I am a normal woman. I have normal feeling, needs and desires for my life. I began to realize that moms could spend years in the role of being mom and putting her life on hold until she could find time to figure out what she really wanted and how to get there. In some cases it was 18 years, her kids were leaving home and she was then forced to take a look within and decide.

My choice was to help other moms like me. To help moms find a path that works for them. To help them to see the new and all of the glory that holds. I am no different than you. I had a life that I knew. I had a "me" that I knew. I had goals that I would strive for. I had a life that was blessed with a wonderful, beautiful life changing child. Now I have me. I love me. I now have 2 boys, under 4, and a life that I understand, love and feel good about. I no longer resent or mourn my old life for not being here. I am present with my kids, in my life and for me. These are the gifts that it took me years to understand. These are the gifts that I share with the world.

Because of my struggles after my 1st son, I wrote I Love You! I Love Me! during the pregnancy with my 2nd son. The goal was to reach out to women, just like me, going through their pregnancy. To help them to get in touch with themselves. To know themselves so well that no matter what happened when they walked out of the hospital, they would have a point of reference. A place to go and read about what they had wanted. A place to reflect, maybe mourn and grow. They would have a blueprint, a support system and a plan for what their life might be once they hold their baby for the first time.

I wrote Making Time for Me! for the same reason. I wanted moms of all ages and stages of life to be able to reconnect with themselves, reflect, dream and grow. I truly believe that our children model what we do and not what we say. Not only is it a disservice to us not to live happy lives in the moment, but it teaches our kids to do the same. What a blessing to find time for you, your passions and a life of happiness, IN THE MOMENT.

As the saying goes, the past is over, the future has yet to come it is in the here and now that we experience life.

That is my story. Good luck with yours! And remember, enjoy the journey, it is all that really matters!